Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize