Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize