Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
