..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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