Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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