4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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