note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
