New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
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