oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
