You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
if only i could text you this smell
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
