can u get pink eye on your cock?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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