Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
