I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
