remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The power of my boobs compel you
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
