xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
