I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
