Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
