Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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