She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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