Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
