i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
