i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
