dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
