I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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