Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
