so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Life is so much better after having sex.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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