It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
