I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize
