I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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