put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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