How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
