What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
