yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
