she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
BRING THE BAGELS
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
