it hurts more in the daytime
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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