I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
