I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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