Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize