kristin has been a bad kristin
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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