i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
