i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
