And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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