I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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