Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Damn victory sex feels great
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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