question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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