Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
