I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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