we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
