I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize