What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I can't turn off my feet"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
