Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
