You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just gargled with NyQuil
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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