Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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