God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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