i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
