forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
