Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
