...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
