she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
