They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
