I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize