Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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