I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
