I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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