he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
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