I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
