OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
