it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
