woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
