dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
