question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
