you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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