i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
