5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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