I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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