White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
