no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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