I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
