Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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