so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
