You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
that is very illegal...i love you.
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