OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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