just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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