I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
