my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize