I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
