just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
