I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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