like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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