Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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