you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
