Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize