I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
operation have a gay friend backfired
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
