Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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